when friendships fade
I went to a wedding yesterday. I met the bride when I was in kindergarten and the groom is one of my best friends from college, so I knew more people last night than I’ll probably know at any other wedding I attend, save perhaps my own.
Many people, from separate social circles, commented to me, “wow, you know so many people here!” Which certainly made my ego do happy, self-satisfied, backflips every time I heard it.
But honestly, the stronger emotion was simply the overwhelming joy from seeing so many people that at one point were so important to me.
It made me think… why don’t I see more of these people, more often?
Trying to answer this question got me really reflecting on how as I get older, my friendships fade.
Some people I see less because of geographical distance. Some people I see less because something we had in common ended, like a sports team or a job. Some people I see less because at least one of us doesn’t find the friendship worthwhile enough to keep putting in effort to maintain it.
Historically, when I’ve been in reunion situations like this, the Loudest Feeling has been one of sadness, of loneliness, of wistfulness. Wanting so desperately to be Somewhere Else, in a Past when I was close with those friends again, or in a Future in which I’ve successful rekindled the friendship.
So I’m genuinely surprised at the fact that right now, I feel so… peaceful.
Don’t get me wrong, this a pleasant and welcome surprise. The Loudest Feeling is hard to pinpoint exactly, but it’s certainly warm. It feels like rewatching a favorite movie. It feels like snuggling a dog. It feels like when someone unexpectedly buys you a drink.
My theory is that this newfound peacefulness with fading friendships is a result of some Big Mindset Changes I’ve been working to adopt the past few years. The details are way beyond the scope of this blog post, but one way to sum them up: focus more on controlling how you give love out into the world, and focus less on controlling how the world gives you love back.
I still feel pretty bummed I don’t see more of these people more often — that our friendships have faded over the years. But experiencing conflicting feelings is one of the best/worst parts about being human, and honestly right now most of the sadness is eclipsed by joy for being able to see these people at all!
So, thank you {redacted} and {redacted} for getting married and bringing so many great people together! And thank you Past Sam for doing lots of little things in an attempt to implement Big Mindset Changes — they seem to be working!